Reflections
by SatiricalPhilosophy
Summary: Lou reflects about Jimmy and Kid. Complete. Feedback appreciated.


_Disclaimer- The Young Riders belong to MGM/SONY & was created by Ed Speilman. I only own the story/plot and the original character mentioned. _

_Summary- Lou reflects on Kid and Jimmy. _

_A/N- This was my first ever Young Riders fic. I have this posted on another fanfiction site dedicated to The Young Riders, and thought I'd post it here as well. Feedback is very much appreciated. _

**Reflections**

Whenever I hear a horse galloping up, my heart still flutters. Anticipation swells up inside of me, along with giddiness at the thought of seeing him again. I reach up and smooth my now long hair out, wanting to look my best. Then it hits me like a ton of bricks. The pain returns tenfold. My hope dies like a flame having water put on it. The realization hits me. I'll never see him again.

He left shortly after our wedding day. Went off to fight for his beloved Virginia. I had begged him not to go. He had said Virginia needed him. I had argued that I needed him. He left anyways though, saying Buck and Rachel and Teaspoon would be there to help me, not to mention I would have my sister and brother with me again. I adore them, they're my family. They don't compensate for him, though, nothing ever will.

Life moved on. I had my sister and brother to take care of, not to mention the baby inside of me. I had found out I was pregnant shortly after he left. I was terrified at first. Rachel sat me down one day, though, and gave me a right talking to. I had a beautiful baby girl I named Amelia. He wasn't there to see her. Still, though, life moved on.

He had been gone for a little over two years when little Amelia with her dark curls and eyes, took ill. She didn't make it. I was heartbroken. I remember lying in bed crying, the hurt too much to bear. No parent should ever have to bury their child, especially alone. He wasn't there. If the others hadn't of been there, I know I would never have survived. Still, though, life moved on.

It was only months after burying little Amelia that I received the letter. It was the letter that changed my life so drastically. The letter that had me wanting to end it all right then and there. It was the letter saying I would never see my husband again. It was the letter saying Kid was dead. Had died fighting for his Virginia.

It hurts. The words are memorized in my head. They never leave. Some days I can put on a brave face and its almost okay. Others I can't even begin to pretend. The absolute torment is just too much. It rips through me like the sobs that follow. I don't scream anymore, or throw things. Hell, sometimes I don't even make it out of bed. I'm here but I'm not. I feel so cold sometimes, detached. I think its getting better, though, that I'm getting better.

Jimmy's here now. Ever since the war ended not to long ago, he's been here. I remember when I first saw him walk up the steps to my small little house. His chocolate brown eyes were so sorrowful. Without any words being spoken he had gathered me up in his strong arms and hugged me tightly. I cried. The dam that had been holding all my tears at bay had broken, and I cried. He held me tightly murmuring soft words that I didn't understand at the time, too blind by gut wrenching grief. Even now, when I can't help but cry he holds me. He's been here helping me through my darkest time. First when Amelia died (It was the first time I'd seen him since I was married), and now when I have to go through the days alone.

I'm not really alone though am I? Jimmy's always here now, helping out around the house and helping me care for Jeremiah and Teresa. True I have the others, my remaining family from the best days of my life. None of them are really like Jimmy, though. Jimmy's my rock, my savor so to speak. If it hadn't been for him, I wouldn't have survived. That's the God's honest truth.

Maybe, just maybe my future isn't as bleak and depressing as I thought. I'll never forget Kid, no matter how many years go by. But I can't ignore Jimmy either. Kid, I know wouldn't want me to spend the rest of my life alone. He'd want me to be happy. And damn it, I'm going to try to make him happy. So this is for you, Kid.

I love you.

_**Fin**_


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